No 7 – A Story about Energy

I see my life flowing through three rhythms of energy: the go-go-go, the receptive pause, and the quiet observer in between.

This is how these energies show up for me in daily life:

Active: writing emails, making difficult calls, posting on social media, applying for the job, cleaning out the house.
Passive: reading the book, learning more about the subject, being open to new ideas, listening.
Neutral: observing, balancing energies, witnessing what is happening.

Whenever I have a house project, my active energy goes wild. And I like it. I love the drive of go-go-go, the speed, the satisfying feeling of getting things done.

But I also worry that I might be too much for others — that I am not listening enough, that I am not soft enough. It is a very male energy of tackling the things ahead of me, an energy that does not shy away from an obstacle — it even likes the challenge.

Here’s what I now realize: my active energy has only ever been “allowed” when it served others.
For the kids, for the house, for the community. And always time-restricted. A short burst? Fine. But then peace must return. Relaxation must return. The collective exhale must return.

Somewhere along the way I learned — without anyone saying it directly — that my strong energy is welcome only if it maintains peace, not if it disrupts it.

Who taught me which parts of my energy are “allowed”?
Where did I learn that my drive could be a threat?
What happens in me when I imagine using that same power, not for service, not for caretaking, but purely for personal creation?

Because when that energy wasn’t permitted to be loud, it simply became quiet. It slipped into shadows: obsessive shopping, rearranging interiors, fixating on details.
Shadow active energy is movement without meaning — frantic, overdriven, ignoring actual needs.

My passive, more female energy is very close and dear to me. It is relationship-friendly. It is not “I’m busy darling, can you tell me later?” but “Of course, darling, tell me what is going on. I’m listening. I’m here.”

As a mother, this nurturing, accepting, loving energy has always been welcomed — almost encouraged. This is where the least guilt resides. Being open for others, working around their needs, feels like the safest way to stay connected.

But of course, passive energy has a shadow too: stagnation, waiting forever, ideas slowly dying from lack of activation.

If I’m honest, this has been the case in my business for a long time. I’ve been reading, journaling, listening, envisioning, dreaming, inviting ideas in. All necessary. But at some point, without action, the ideas begin to dissolve.

My neutral energy, neither male nor female, does what it does best: holding the tension with ease, observing, acknowledging the imbalance of the other two. Neutral is often overlooked — but it’s crucial. Without awareness, we can’t sense when to act, when to rest, or how to integrate inspiration and discipline.

Yet neutral energy also carries a shadow: paralysis, endless observing, never quite entering the arena.

As of now, balance is not my goal.
To bring my project to life, I need that inner well of active, relentless energy — the drive, the tunnel vision, the unapologetic focus that temporarily makes the needs of others blurry.

And for this, I need more than discipline.
I need permission. My own.

I need to allow myself to be strong-willed, focused, unsoft.
To unleash that active energy on my own behalf, not only in service of others.
To finally say:

I am allowed to create for myself.
I am allowed to want.
I am allowed to move.
I am allowed to be powerful — even if that power is not peaceful.

Take a moment to consider these questions for yourself:

1. Which form of energy — active, passive, or neutral — have you been over-allowing, and which have you been quietly denying yourself?
2. What story have you been telling yourself about why certain parts of your energy are “too much,” “not enough,” or only acceptable when they serve others?
3. If you granted yourself full permission to use your active energy for your own creation, what would be the very first thing you would dare to begin?